A Dead Blog Story: If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again!

A beginning, an end, and a Medium sized resurrection…

After publishing the very first article on my very first Medium publication, I wanted to say a little more. To make my mission statement a little clearer.

This is about a dead blog, yes. But this is more about my refusal to give up on something I see value in. And A call for writers to join me in talking candidly about their experiences with mental health.

I wrote this story, about being my authentic self around three years ago. It was the first article I wrote for my shiny new blog.

The title, you ask? Why, Blognitive Therapy of course. I had a plan, and I was full of hope.

Today, that blog does not exist.

So what happened?

A Beginning

The idea was simple enough. To build a space where I could write unashamedly and honestly about my struggles with mental health. A place where others could join me in speaking honestly about their own mental health too.

I wanted to inspire action. Inspire conversation. I wanted to inspire full stop.

It didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.

Precious few people read this blog. But those that did actually wrote to me to tell me I had made an impact. I also had a few people I knew in the real world contact me to talk about mental health issues. I am close with many of them because of this exchange.

After reading a couple of articles, one friend (of the male persuasion) rang me to say how astounded he was at how similar we were. After ten years of knowing each other, our bond became stronger.

This felt good. So I continued along. Writing and posting when I felt moved to. I had always loved writing, but it had fallen by the wayside in my mid twenties.

But, I began writing — seriously writing — again when my mental health struggles became worse, at around 30 years of age.

This rekindled love helped me to get everything out. Out of my head and into the open. No more hiding and floundering. I felt like I had a new goal. A new meaning. Something to hope for. Writing was suddenly back to front and centre in my life.

It helped, latterly, to explain my mental health issues to friends and family, in person.

But, it also awoke in me a desire to to help other people to talk about their experiences. To help by first offering my experiences. It is a two-way street.

You must be brave to help others be brave.

An Ending

Fast forward to today. Sans Blog.

I had an idealistic vision, yet I lacked an understanding of how to promote it, and be found by like-minded individuals. I had hoped, naively, that it would just flourish on its own.

It didn’t.

I’ll admit that I didn’t give it the time and love it deserved. And that, whilst I had restored my passion, I still had a long way to go with my ‘can-do’ attitude.

With so little growth, I lost confidence, I published less and less. I got distracted by other things.

But then I found Medium. And this gave me the chance to write on a platform with a bigger audience. A place where I could get lost in the labyrinth of brilliant writers. A place where people like me published. A place where I might be found by like-minded people. And one where I could publish through publications with large subscriber lists.

Whilst working on this, I also worked half-heartedly on my erstwhile blog. Aside from a couple of people willing to submit their work, it was still just my tiny voice. My tiny collection of experiences.

But I wanted this to be a collective experience! I wanted this to be a community.

Then, the penny dropped! I hatched a plan to make space on Medium for Blognitive Therapy.

So here goes…

Beginning Again

If you are still with me after this back-story, and if you have dared to read my previous article Being Fucking Authentic, then welcome!

Blognitive Therapy is so named because:

• I fucking love a pun
• Much like cognitive behavioural therapy itself, I want this to be a place of exploration

A discovery of all myriad ways our mind works. How it can trip us up. And how to combat those niggling little voices. How to take the world as it is without feeling like you’re doing it wrong. It is a place where we can talk about our feelings openly. Messily, even. And divine our own right path through support and love.

As I said in my ‘About’ page all them years ago:

“We all want to be happy and walk through life feeling enriched and joyful. Yet we all have the ‘should’ list in our heads, leading us down a path of who we ought to be. I guess what I have discovered is, there is no ‘should’. There is no prescribed way of being. Our time is short. Our happiness is important”

I want to replace all the ‘should’ in life with the could. The endless possibilities! I want to begin to unpick the thoughts that shred our self-esteem. Building in their place better automatic thoughts, ones that bolster you. Instead of blowing you down.

To me, those negative thoughts are like figures casting shadows on the wall. They seem bigger and scarier in the darkness. But call them into the light and you can really seem them for what they are.

This is still my mission, and I am still here trying to make it happen.

In all honesty, I could have closed this blog down quietly, and gone on with my life. Written about other things. But I still feel drawn to do this. And so I will keep doing this through the magical medium of Medium.

You will see some old articles pop up. re-drafted and edited using my improved writing prowess. You will see fresh new ones too.

And if I am doing my job right, you wont be able to tell the difference.

And, I hope you will see other writers, channeling their own thoughts, humours and frustrations into something good. I hope you will see writers and readers grow and learn from each other.

I am still learning. Learning how to write, promote. How to improve in all areas. And I am learning to be OK with where I am right now.

That is the delicious sandwich we are striving to build, isn’t it?

I still feel as though I am learning to be an adult. Learning to dispense with that feeling of being an imposter, and outsider. But these topics are all for another article.

Come Join Me!

So that’s it! That’s my little call to arms — after the, quite frankly, cringe old article I sat (at this same laptop) and wrote three years before.

As I sit here today, I am aware a few things have changed since I began Blognitive Therapy all that time ago.

I am equipped with more tools to support my mental health. I am embarking on CBT (yet another article waiting in the wings!). I am writing more and more, and refusing to give up. Refusing to let my poor self-esteem defeat me.

I would like to leave you with this. This little thing I wrote that, years later, would cause me to nod my head vigorously at an unseeing screen. If it makes sense, consider giving this publication a follow. Consider submitting an article to Blognitive Therapy too. I am here to build a community.

And apparently I wont take no for an answer!

We are all people, wearing masks and performing to each other. Why are we shocked when the mask slips and someone allows you to see their true self? Invite yourself to be free of that mask for a minute, or an hour, or a day, and see how you change inside.